only as one chapter closes can another begin.
... that's what i've been thinking about recently ...
This was spurred on because of a few things that happened. The main one being Steve announcing his engagement to his girlie. He's been my standard for all guys. And to be fair, its totally unfair to all other guys. He simply was my Mr Perfect. And i idolised him. He was my benchmark for all relationships or potential relationships. Everyone was matched up to Steve. And none of them really came that close. There has always been this part of me that has always hoped beyond hope that perhaps someday we'd get back together. That everything would be able to be perfect again. Not that it was actually perfect when we were together cos we lived 300 miles apart at the time. But it was perfect in my eyes because he was everything i ever wanted. Kind, considerate, sarcastic (yes, that is actually an attractive quality to me... tho it can get taken too far), musical, tall, dark, gorgeous, athletic, strong faith in God. He made me smile like no-one has ever done before or since. We just got on soooooo well. I just felt i could be totally relaxed around him. Anything i said or did would be accepted and not judged (well, unless i was way off line or just being incredibly blonde!) and i could just be me. We could talk about anything and it was ok.
Now, that chapter of my life has to end because he's getting married to Elaine and i have to move on. And only once i have put that to rest can anything be done about any other potential relationship. He was an unreachable target. And there are a lot of other guys with very good qualities and different qualities to Steve. And i shouldnt be limiting myself to a specific ideal. God has the perfect guy for me. And i just have to face the fact that its not Steve. But whoever it is will be just as perfect for me as he appeared to be. Am feeling a little gutted tho.
But i surprised myself because i actually managed to put my feelings aside on Thursday night and say congratulations to him over the phone cos he called me up. I'd been avoiding the issue for about a week and a half because i couldnt bring myself to actually say "congratulations i'm happy for you" when inside my heart was breaking and i was actually not happy for him at all. But i have got that initial congratulations thing out the way, now i can move a bit further forward. I will phone him sometime this week to talk to him properly because i didnt get the chance on Thurs as i was round at Al's setting up for her massage.
So, roll on the rest of the book.... i wanna read the next chapter!
4 comments:
Hey. I'm presuming this is you, since the names in the blog would be far to much of a coincidence to be otherwise. Sorry to hear about the Steve thing, but at least you've managed to look at it in a good light. I dunno if that bit made sense, but it did in my head.
Also, hope you don't mind, but I put a link to your site on mine.
tis indeed me. nice of you to comment. I'm dealing with the Steve thing. It'll take a while but its fine really. I dont mind... in fact i would like to know how you did it cos i cant understand any of this HTML gobbledegook!
To change the links you have to log in, and then go to settings, then go to template. You then have to scroll down until you find a part with three web addresses in brackets, and text after each saying "edit me".
You just change the web address to what you want, and change the bit that says edit me to say what you want your page to display. Alternatively, you wait until I am home sometime and I can do it for you.
ta chuck :)
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